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Conscious Dust
12 January 2013 @ 05:18 pm
You know, they say acting is a really competitive business, that there aren't enough acting jobs to go around. So why are the same actors on every tv show ever? Phil from Modern Family is in the episode of The West Wing I'm currently watching. (Yes, I watch The West Wing now. Yes, it is amazing. Yes, I am in love with CJ and yes, didn't I tell you that all incredible TV shows have a Sam in them? I'd tell y'all off for not informing me about it but I know you all did tell me about it. I SO KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT NOW!)

Another thing that is strange? Running. Running is strange. I went out 2 days ago to do my first run in weeks and was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't too hard. I did the exact same run today and thought I was going to die. How does that even work?!

I said I'd take a photo a week this year. I know a lot of people do a photo a day but I think they're overachievers, quite frankly. My first two weeks.

Week 1 - My lovely Cas, eating a baked bean treat:

Week 2 - Branston Water Park, where I went running today:
Conscious Dust
06 November 2012 @ 10:12 pm
BOOOOK! I have been thinking about writing this for months, and was sure I knew exactly what I was going to say. But now I'm here I'm finding it more difficult to put into words than I thought.

Basically, you are the grown up I want to be when I grow up. I have such a mass amount of respect and admiration for you. You are put together in a way I can understand, and don't find intimidating or out of reach, but still manages to inspire and encourage me. I love your morals and your lifestyle. I love how you love Fringe, even though I don't share the same love, because I like feeling that level of passion and adoration for something. I love your creativity and your intelligence and your hobbies and how you pursue them. I love the most the way you just up and travel yourself around the world: that is such a massive, incredible inspiration to me, in ways I don't think you understand.

When I miss you (which is, like, all the fucking time) I find I can hear your voice and accent really clearly across Whatsapp or LJ or Tumblr. I don't know why it's so clear with you compared to everyone else, perhaps because I got to know you in RL first rather than the other way around like most other people, but there is a distinctive Bookishness to what you write and how. And I, idk, feel like I understand you on a baseline level. I feel like I look at you, and can see all the best things that I can be if I try really, really hard.

In conclusion:

Bad Book:

Good Book:

Great Book:

Best Book:
Conscious Dust
So there was this thing where I had two weeks off and was going to do alllllll the things. Which is nearly over, and actually, I have done a lot of stuff, but there still seems to be loads to do. But as I am sat here 20 minutes before Supernatural (CASSSSSSSSS) trying to keep myself awake I figured I should do a quick post.

I lost Byers this time last week. I knew she was going, she was all floppy and cold, so I cuddled into my chest until she tipped her head to one side and stopped breathing, and it was so so sad. At some point when I rescued all these hamsters in quick succession I should have considered them dying so close to each as well. 3 of my current 5 are definitely collecting their pensions, and ack, it's just horrible. Worth it, but horrible.

Other things - my paid lj account has run out, so now commences the annual I-do-not-need-to-spend-money-just-to-have-224934userpics-oh-no-I-don't mantra, which, considering how much it's already irritating me, will probably last another 2 days or something.

I have been out an about and actually pretending to have a social life, so pics to follow when I can be bothered to upload them. And otherwise my mind is just going round and round lots of stuff, nothing bad, just contemplating, and, yeah. This is a terrible entry. But it's 1.45am so quite frankly, what do you expect?!
Conscious Dust
So, apparently an actress who a lot of my friends are very invested in has been cast in Supernatural for a reoccurring role. Does [her name]Amanda Tapping count as a spoiler? I'll hide just in case. They want a brief summery of SEVEN FUCKING SEASONS so they follow what's going on. Baring in mind that 6 eps have to air before she appears, so this will only be up to date till the end of Season 7, here is my attempt at that summery. Please correct me fellow SPNers at anything wrong; I will have missed lots of important stuff and my knowledge of the earlier seasons especially is a bit rusty. And I'm Cas-biased. I'm sorry. It's SEVEN YEARS.

[Supernatural Spoilers]

Season 1 - The show opens on a family of four tucking up the young baby for the night. This is John, Mary, Dean and baby Sam. In the middle of the night, Mary hears a disturbance in Sam's room, and goes in to see 'John' leaning over Sam's crib. Satisfied, she goes downstairs, only to find John asleep in front of the tv. She runs back to Sam's room and screams. John follows her, and finds Mary with a stab wound in her stomach, bleeding, held to the ceiling by an invisible force. As he watches, her body catches fire and quickly spreads. John yells for a 4-year-old Dean, thrusts Sammy in his arms and tells him to "take your brother and run". John attempts to save Mary, but it's too late.

We then catch up to present day, 22 years later. We learn that John was traumatised by what happened to his wife, that he dedicated his life to hunting down evil, supernatural forces (Vampires, Ghosts, Werewolves, Demons...you name the myth, SPN has covered it) and in particular the "Yellow-eyed Demon" (YED) that murdered Mary. He has dragged Dean and Sam along with him on this revenge mission, and Dean has grown up Daddy's good little soldier, obeying his Father's every command and fully embracing the hunting life. Sam, meanwhile, has rebelled, fallen out with his father and run away to University, where he is graduating, about to start law school, and thinking of proposing to his girlfriend Jessica. Dean turns up at his door, informs him that their Dad has gone missing whilst on a hunt, and he needs help finding him. Sam leaves with Dean, and whilst away has a dream about Jessica dying the same way as his mother, and returns to see her only to watch his dream come true. Consumed with rage, guilt, and worry about having visions, Sam leaves university and returns to the road with Dean. This is the set-up for the show.

The rest of Season 1 deals with the boys being reunited with their Father, who has tracked down a gun capable of killing a Demon (previously thought unkillable). They confront the YED who escapes, but takes a special interest in Sam and his visions. The season ends with a truck plowing into the side of Dean's car; the much beloved Impala, with the 3 men inside.

Other things/people you should know from s1: Bobby, an old hunter friend of John's who took care of Dean and Sam a lot, knows everything about hunting and is drunk and angry 90% of the time. Meg, a demon who focuses in on Sam and has her own agenda tied to the YED. Demons possess humans and take over their bodies. They can be detected by using the Lord's name (Christo), holy water and can't escape devil's traps.

Season 2: Dean is in a coma and is certain to die. John summons the YED and makes a Demon deal, trading his life for Dean's. Dean heals, John dies and heads to hell to spend an eternity in torment. Dean has many sad/guilt feels. Sam's powers strengthen, and they discover more people his age with similar powers. Most of their mothers died in a house fire at 6 months old, just like Sam. We discover the YED is searching for one special child capable of opening the gates of hell. To determine the winner, he kidnaps them and pits them against each other, Hunger Games/Battle Royale style. Sam tries to call for reason but soon only he and one other survive. Just as Dean arrives to save him, Sam is literally stabbed in the back, and dies. Dean is distraught, feels that he has failed in his one and only job of protecting Sam, and can't live without him. He summons a demon and makes a deal of his own: his life for Sam's. He is given one years grace on Earth (they normally give 10 years), and then he too must be dragged to hell. Sam vows to get Dean out of his deal.

Season 3: This season is short because of the Writer's strike (hey, remember that?!) Dean and Sam try to find a way to break the demon deal. They learn more about demons, that there may be a bigger plan that they aren't yet aware of, and are befriended by a 'good' demon called Ruby who says she wants to help but pressures Sam into furthering his powers. They fail, however, to save Dean, and the season ends with him on the torture racks of hell.

Season 4: We're 3 months later. Dean has mysteriously returned from hell, and we discover that he has been raised by Castiel, an Angel. Angels we're not known to be real even in the hunting community, are immensely powerful and have not intervened on Earth for many years, but have been sent now to stop the 66 Seals being broken, and Lucifer being released onto Earth. Prophesy has written that Dean will be the one to stop Lucifer from rising. the Angels appear cold and unfeeling, and are utterly obedient to the orders sent from 'God', even though no-one has seen God in Millenia. Cas tells Dean that this is his destiny, that it cannot be changed, but as he grows closer to Dean confesses to having doubts and being unsure of the Angels' approach.

Meanwhile, Sam has been working on his powers with Ruby, much to Dean's disgust. We discover that the top Angels have been handing out false orders from 'God', in order to release Lucifer, bring about the apocalypse, win the war between Heaven and Hell and bring Heaven to Earth. Cas wrestles with his conscience but eventually agrees to help Dean stop this from happening. He dies for his betrayal. However it's too late: the season ends with Sam being tricked by Ruby into releasing Lucifer.

Season 5: Dean and Sam discover they are the Vessels for Micheal (head honcho Angel) and Lucifer respectively, and they are expected to be possessed in order for the final fight to occur. Both obviously refuse, and Cas (who has been brought back to life) hides them from Angels so they can't be captured. Cas searches for God who he believes brought him back, and will stop the apocalypse if found. Lucifer takes a temporary vessel and starts creating chaos (swine flu, apparently), and releases the four horsemen. Cas is told God wants no part of the fight, and loses all faith. Death, of horseman fame, agrees to help Dean and Sam, and tells them of a way to look Lucifer back into the cage he escaped from. Sam tells Dean the only way to do this is to let Lucifer possess him, and jump into the cage, sealing himself inside. Dean reluctantly agrees, and the season ends in the most heartbreaking scene of anything ever when Sam sacrifices himself, dragging both Lucifer and Micheal into the cage with him. Dean goes to live a 'normal' life, as he promised Sam, and God, possibly as a sign of approval, resurrects Cas (again) who has died (again). In this season we also meet Crowley, a middle-management demon who has he own reasons for not wanting the world to end, and who helps Dean and Sam.

Season 6: One year later. Dean has been living a normal life, as promised, but still misses his brother. Sam has been mysteriously returned to Earth but doesn't seem right: we discover his soul is missing, still trapped in the cage with Lucifer. Cas has returned to Heaven, where half the Angels congratulate him and God's approval of his free will, and the other half turn against him and attempt to get the apocalypse back on track. Civil war breaks out. Death offers to get Sam's soul back for him, but his soul is so tortured from its time with Lucifer that Death has to put a 'wall' up to prevent Sam from remembering it. If the wall breaks Sam could die from the pain of the memories.

A bunch of other shit happens involving monsters, and Crowley, now the King of Hell with Lucifer gone, is trying to find Purgatory, the place where all monsters go when they die. We discover Crowley wants Purgatory for the souls, which are immensely powerful. Cas distances himself further and further from the boys and becomes colder towards them, trying to explain to Dean that he is fighting a war and 'regrettable things are now expected of me'. Dean and Sam discover that Cas has in fact been working with Crowley to find Purgatory, in order to gain the souls and win the war in heaven. He admits he was the one to release Sam from the cage, but is horrified by the suggestion that he left Sam's soul behind on purpose. Dean is particularly upset by Castiel going behind their backs, and begs him to find another way. Cas remains sure that there is no other way, and in order to distract Dean from trying to stop him, breaks Sam's wall. He promises to fix Sam when the war is over, then betrays Crowley and goes after Purgatory by himself. Cas ingests (kinda literally) all of the souls in Purgatory, and the power overcomes him. The series ends with Castiel declaring himself the new God.

Season 7: Several months later, Cas has ended the war (and most of the Angels) and is using his power for both good and evil. He has not fixed Sam as promised, and Sam is struggling with hallucinations and memories of torture. Cas starts to struggle to control the souls; instead, they start to control him and he starts to come apart (again, kind of literally). Sam persuades him to put the souls back and he does, but as he tries to apologise to Dean for all the damage he's done, he convulses and is possessed by the Leviathans, an ancient form of evil that God locked away in Purgatory. The Leviathans tell Dean that Cas is dead (again) and drown his body in a local water supply, infecting the water, possessing hundreds of people, and working on some form of global plan that I'm not gonna bother explaining because I don't think it will be relevant next season. Dean and Sam embark on trying to stop them, Sam battling with his hallucinations of Lucifer and Dean using alcohol to fight his depression, brought on by Sam's condition, losing Cas and then losing Bobby, his substitute father.

Eventually Sam's hallucinations get the better of him and he cannot sleep or function at all. He is admitted to a mental hospital where Dean is told he will die if he cannot sleep and eat. Dean desperately tracks down a 'healer' a fellow hunter mentioned to him; only to discover Castiel - resurrected mysteriously (yes, again, this is a theme), but with no memory of being an Angel and going by the name of Emmanuel. Emmanuel doesn't remember Dean but agrees to help him, and they are joined by Meg. Remember I mentioned Meg way back in season 1? Well she's been ticking along in her own little subplot, and is now mostly invested in fighting Crowley for rule over hell. She wants Cas's help in this so is tailing him.

Meg tells Cas who he really is and Cas gets his memories back. He's consumed by guilt, seeing what he did to Sam, and says although he cannot get rid of Sam's memories, he can transfer them into himself. Dean and Sam leave Cas, now unconscious, behind in the hospital, protected by Meg. When Cas reawakens, it is at the same time a new prophet (Kevin) is given a vision. This vision leads to a stone slab on which is written the word of the Lord, which explains how to lock the Leviathan back in Purgatory. Only the prophet can read the language on the slab.

Cas is overcome with his guilt and sorrow, and retreats into himself, refuses to have a sensible conversation, watches the bees and will not get involved in conflict. He has grown fond of Meg and protects her from Crowley. Dean appeals to him and Cas admits he feels he is bad luck: that whatever he does he only creates more disaster. Dean says he'd still rather have Cas, and Cas agrees to help fight the Leviathan. Dean and Cas fight the head Leviathan, but when they kill him they get caught up and dragged into Purgatory with him. Crowley double crosses pretty much everybody (I think. I'm still unclear on this, have to rewatch the season finale), kidnaps both Meg and Kevin, and mocks Sam for being left all alone in the world without anyone he loves. In Purgatory, Cas disappears on Dean, and he is also alone, in a world full of monsters who won't want to be friends with a hunter, and no idea how to escape.

Urgh, that took me over an hour to write and I don't think I captured the show's essence at all. I tried to get it to the very bare minimum (no, really, I did!) of what you would have to understand to pick the show up in season 8, but in doing so I've missed out tens of amazing side characters, the deep and broken and woven relationships, the symmetry of the ancient mythology and the modern world, the humour, the music, the amount of times the quality of the acting has reduced me to a blubbering mess...This show is so much more than pretty boys and the bare bones outlined above. So much more. But, this should get you on your way. And personally I think I did a damn good job of not letting my ship shine through in there at all. Kind of. FACTS ARE FACTS PEOPLE.
Conscious Dust
08 September 2012 @ 09:33 pm
Phone in one hand. Slips. Attempt to catch with other hand. That is holding cup of tea. Tea over me, laptop, floor and phone. Still manage to drop phone. Am brilliant.
Conscious Dust
07 September 2012 @ 10:22 am
I'm having problems with reading my f-list atm. I added one more new person and now I'm getting all their entries, from years ago, all out of order, with a random one from other friends thrown in there occasionally, and I have no idea why. LJ doesn't want me to have new friends, it seems. Any suggestions on how to fix, lovely people? Sorted, thanks.

In other news, I went to the GP about my knee and I've sprained the inner-ligament or something. So not serious, but I'm supposed to minimise stress on it and rest it as much as possible for SIX TO EIGHT WEEKS. Aside from the fact minimising knee impact in my job is pretty much impossible, there goes the running plan. By the time it's better it will be too dark/wet to go out on my usual running track in the evening, and I'm not sure where around here I can go to run safely in the dark. I appreciate, sat here watching the Paralympics, that this is an able-bodied, first world problem to the absolute degree, but it's MY problem, and I'm fed-up, and I'm sulking, okay?

Still. Things that make everything better: Shiny new phone. ALL the Paralympic Golds. NEW SUPERNATURAL SPOILERS OMFG I LOVE EVERYTHING WAKE ME UP WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS PLS?!
Listening: Paralympics
Conscious Dust
First up, hello new friends! I haven't actually taken part in a friending meme for years and years, but I'm working on this whole keep LJ alive thing and besides, I like new people. I used to have an intro post floating around somewhere, but if memory serves me since that was last updated (around four/five years ago? I don't remember) I graduated, moved half way across the country, had a mental breakdown and changed careers totally. In short: I'm Sam, I'm English, I work in palliative care, have an impressive collection of pet hamsters and I like tea and television, preferably together. Please pull up a chair and make yourselves at home!

If anyone wants to take part in aforementioned friending meme, it is here:

I love the smell of fandom in the fall.

What else is new?

- My baby nephew starts SCHOOL this week which is unacceptable. He's so excited, posing in his uniform and counting how many sleeps to go. Oh Harry, may you always be this excited about education.

- I introduced my Mum to Words With Friends and she's now obsessed, and has already beaten me once. I feel this was a Mistake.

- For those who know how much my phone has dying on me over the past few months, I finally got to upgrade today and my shiny new Sony Xperia P should be with me at the end of the week. I mostly chose it because it has an 8MP camera, and I'm sick of not being able to take decent pictures, so fingers crossed.

- I'm mostly feeling sorry for myself this evening, to be quite honest. My knee, which I hurt a few weeks ago and then mostly seemed to heal, has flared up again and has been causing me severe pain over the past week. It's beginning to become a real issue at work, as I spend a lot of time on me knees (Shut Up) and it HURTS. But I'm mostly fed up because just when I was getting motivated about running, and I was beginning to see small bits of achievement, I can't do it. I tried again this evening, strapped up with painkillers in my system and my warm-up walk alone was making me wince. Which is just...one step forward and two steps back with my health, again, and makes me so fed up and angry and like I want to throw things. Because it doesn't seem to matter how hard I try and what I do, once again, nothing actually gets achieved. Whatever. I'm debating self-referring myself to physio and seeing if they have any suggestions tomorrow, because there is no visible sign of swelling or bruising, it's not going away, and I'm out of ideas of what I can do to help it.

- And because I don't want to end on a pity-party for me, let me tell you that Cas has made an open nest in his cage, and I can see the bedding moving softly up and down as he sleeps, and it's a very happy making visual!
Listening: Paralympics
Conscious Dust
03 September 2012 @ 09:18 pm
Dearest Katie,

First up, I am very sorry that this is a day late. I hope you had a wonderful birthday yesterday, consider this your extended celebration.

I defy anyone not to like splodge04. No seriously. Those few on my f-list who don't know her should do so immediately. She is the most laid back, easy going, non-confrontational person I know. She's extremely funny and sarcastic, and when that fails, she'll just tease you into a better mood despite your own better judgement. Katie lacks the ability to smile in any photos, but puts one on the face of everyone around her.

Most of my dearest friends come from different areas/countries/cultures to me. And that's a wonderful thing, but equally wonderful and comforting is having someone who understands the West Midlands accent, humour and lifestyle, and how it often clashes with the fandom world. When Katie is around, I am never alone.

Katie's ability to be ruthlessly cheerful no matter what she faces is my favourite thing about her. Life's been kind of shit for her recently, and she's lost nothing of herself and who she is despite it. Love you and your face, Katie-face. Don't ever change.
Conscious Dust
27 August 2012 @ 07:50 pm
People. It's the August bank holiday. And I just put a hoodie and woolly socks on in my flat because I'm cold.

I read this quote in a book by Jenny Colgan last week. I felt it was relevant to many of your interests, f-list.

Please let me clear this up once and for all: 'Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get' is a quotation of the highest nonsense. Every box of chocolates comes in with a handy and clear pictogram relating the shape of the chocolate to its flavour. Also a box of chocolates is always welcome and delicious. Life is in fact like a bag of Revels. You never know what you're going to get, and half of it you won't like.
Feeling: coldcold